Patience, Grasshopper!

Yes indeedly doodly! We have nursing! I am THRILLED to report that Charlotte nursed this morning for about 4-5minutes. And I don’t mean she half-heartedly sucked here and there. Nope. She GULPED. She chowed down, she had her eyes closed and was just sucking it right back. I CRIED!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably what caused her to break her suction. LOL.

I ended up going to bed last night around 1030 and DH (dear husband) tried to wake me up three times to pump but apparently that was wildly unsuccessful. So this morning I was VERY full and decided to go try and nurse prior to pumping. She was pretty fussy, pain I think. But she latched on and when the letdown finally happened, she clamped on and went to town! I can’t even BEGIN to describe the amazing feeling that swelled up inside. To see AND feel her nurse was just – well – beyond any words in the English or any other language. Beautiful is the closest thing I can think of but it was WAY beyond that as well.

Off to pump and if there are any other updates, I will certainly post them here. I am going to try and lay down with her later to nurse and see how that goes. Gave her some pain meds to help take the edge off. Other than the pain medicine, she’s only got ear drops so no major medication after this surgery which is good news for the nursing.

Here’s to hoping for more success!

Surgery went GREAT this morning. We were sending her off to surgery by 8a and discharged by 1030a. GRRRR to the post-op nurses who wasted 2 whole OUNCES of my very precious freshly pumped breastmilk though b/c they couldn’t figure out how to prime the pump properly! /:-( I mean really… that stuff is LIQUID GOLD people!

Tried to nurse immediately after surgery. She was interested but then passed out on her way down to my nipple. I had to laugh at her asleep on my breast. Was a terrific feeling though!

Tried to nurse again this afternoon. She was extremely fussy but calmed down enough to find my nipple on her own, latch, and REALLY and TRULY nurse for a few seconds. She actually had to GULP to swallow b/c she got such a flow going. YAY! Charlotte is passed out in her crib right now. Last night was a ROUGH one – she does not like the pack n play at ALL. We all got about 2 hours of sleep. I’m amazed I’m still functioning as well as I am right now.

That’s about it for now, I’m gonna go pump and then veg out for awhile. I may even go to bed early tonight and have chris wake me up later to pump for her midnight feeding. Haven’t decided yet.

Oh, and I like the MIC-key a LOT better than the PEG. The one-way valve that prevents spillage is awesome. (for those of you who know what i’m talking about great! For those of you who don’t, I will spare you the details… it’s not pleasant, trust me!)

This morning Charlotte nursed at about the same time she did yesterday. She didn’t stay latched for nearly as long but the nursing she DID do was a lot stronger and she didn’t freak out nearly as much when she was getting milk. Overall, she probably nursed a total of five minutes. It wasn’t long enough or strong enough for a full feeding but it was definitely a step in the right direction.

I probably won’t be updating again until Wednesday as we have her tube surgery tomorrow morning and have to be at the hospital by 630a. I’m hoping I’ll feel better by then b/c I am sick and unfortunately so is my husband. Figures. See y’all on Wednesday!

Charlotte was being fussy at about 10a so I decided to ask her if she wanted some boobies. She INSTANTLY quieted down and started staring at my chest. SO I latched her on and she STAYED PUT FOR THIRTY MINUTES!!!!!!!!! She kept nursing off and on and even nursed for about 2-3 minutes straight without freaking out! Woohoo! She was hardly fussy during this session and I was very encouraged by how everything went, especially considering that it wasn’t during one of her normal feeding times.

The rest of the day was pretty much a wash with BF’ing as she was just very fussy. Think it was due to the fact that she had a couple of really huge bowel movements that probably took a lot of work and i’m sure her tummy wasn’t feeling the greatest either.

8a: Finished pumping and set up her g-tube feeding. Decided to get her up for some cuddling. She started nudging at my breast so I guided her into a decent latch position. (cradle hold again, right side) She fussed here and there but it seemed to be right after I felt her nurse. I think she’s a bit confused when milk comes out of my breast. I just reassure her that it’s OK and supposed to happen. So far she hasn’t nursed a complete feeding but this morning she stayed latched for about 20minutes total (5 min break in between) I have to rock her (bounce my leg) and pat her back to keep her happy but hey, I’ll do whatever it takes in these early days to get her used to the breast! Plus I figure my thighs will get some benefit out of it too! LOL!

8p: Tube fed for most of the day. She was being a little fussy so I decided to give BF’ing a shot as she was staring pretty hard at me when Chris took her to the nursery. Went pretty well. She fussed at first but eventually relaxed enough to almost fall asleep and did some GREAT nursing 4 or 5 X’s for about 5-10seconds apiece. Freaked out right after she did it though so I’m PRETTY sure that she’s getting spooked by the milk coming out. I had just pumped so there shouldn’t have been a HUGE let down but it’s still scaring her. Continuing with the constant rocking and back patting although this time around i was able to stop for a bit here and there and she stayed latched. Still, headway is headway and we are DEFINITELY making progress in the right direction. Starting to feel pretty confident that we are going to be able to do this but also still prepared for some backwards steps. I’m getting pretty convinced that once we get the tube surgery and all these meds well behind us, things will start going MUCH better. However, I think she’s doing great considering she hasn’t even had her palate for a week yet!

730a: Tried to give her a Playtex VentAire bottle. She wanted NOTHING to do with it, much like my breast. Made me feel a little better in that she’s not wanting a bottle either. Definitely makes it seem less personal. Won’t be trying to BF’d today. Planning on just cuddling a lot and if she does, great, if she doesn’t, hey, that’s fine too. She goes off the antibiotic on Sunday but she has her tube surgery on Tuesday so not much of a window w/o meds. I think that once she’s completely med free things will go much better. Charlotte just isn’t a happy camper unless she’s med free.

*Side Note: Primarily using the cradle hold position. Have tried the football hold position but that just makes things worse and she HATES it. I think the cradle hold is going to be the one for us. Also tried the sitting up position with her straddling my leg and facing me but she looks around and is TOO easily distracted in that position.

10:00a – 1030a: Cuddled with her and HEY she latched! No nursing action but this was the longest latch yet. She tolerated the breast for more than a few minutes – probably at least 3 or 4 minutes. I had to rock her and pat her back most of the time but I think if she had a paci in her mouth i would have been doing the same thing! I think she was just happy to have something IN her mouth as she hasn’t been able to have a paci OR her hands!

3:00p: Decided to get her up and take her into our bedroom for some playtime. She kept turning to me and nudging my breast. (YAY!) So I guided her into a decent latch position and at first she got kinda fussy but she calmed down pretty quickly as I patted her back and gently rocked her by bouncing on the bed. She stayed latched even after I removed my hand from the back of her head (from guiding her into the latch position) She nursed here and there (just a little bit). Overall this was the LONGEST she’s tolerated the breast, we were like that for nearly 20-25 minutes and it was PURE heaven! Today’s gone pretty well for a day I wasn’t planning on trying. I wonder what surprises tomorrow has in store!

This post will be edited throughout the day.

730a: 1st nursing attempt of the day. Administered 1cc of T3. Charlotte was happy and not fussy but hungry. As soon as i attempted the breast, she started screaming. Finally calmed down long enough to tolerate breast for approx 45seconds – 90secs. No nursing action this time around, just had the nipple in her mouth. but hey, she wasn’t screaming!

11:00a: A Big fat NO GO. Nothing but screaming. Decided that after less than 5 minutes of trying to stop. She is being tube fed right now.

2:00p: I wasn’t home at this time so Charlotte got breastmilk + formula. I had to go out and collect my thoughts.

4:00p: Tried BF’ing again. Went slightly like the 8a attempt. I think I am going to let her rest for the next couple of days and not really push like I have today. I don’t know that I can handle it emotionally. She ended up getting entirely formula for this feeding.

Didn’t attempt to BF’d again today. She vomited at 6p and we first blamed the antibiotic but now we’re pretty sure it was because of the formula. Looks like even if i can’t get her to BF’d I’ll end up pumping for the first year because so far she just can’t handle any of the formula we’ve tried.

Most of the day was spent going back to ATL to see our cranio-facial specialist as we thought a fistula had opened up. Great news that it wasn’t a fistula, just where they had to graft some additional tissue to close the palate.

Attempts to nurse were made twice. First attempt was successful for approx 45 seconds. Second attempt wasn’t as successful. Charlotte hadn’t had her T3 and was in quite a bit of pain. Every time she would get my nipple anywhere near her mouth, she would wince loudly. She wanted to nurse but wasn’t in a good enough place to actually carry out her want. I plan on trying more tomorrow.

I think the hardest part with all of this is going to be striking the balance between pumping and attempting to nurse her. I don’t want to NOT have enough milk for her yet I also want to have enough milk left in my breasts for her to try to nurse. *sighs* Things were SO much easier with our first but I know I owe this to Charlotte and to myself. If the two 45 second sessions are all that I glean from this, then it definitely will be worth it. At least she’s had the advantage of breastmilk all this time!

We have NURSING! REAL ACTUAL NURSING! Charlotte latched on and nursed for a grand total of 45 seconds. All smiles and dimples too! (Well, as much as a baby can be with a nipple in her mouth anyway!) I had tears just running down my cheek! She nursed like a total champ for those 45 seconds and completely made my day! The amazing thing is that she did this PRE-REPAIR! So with a bilateral complete cleft of hard and soft palate, she NURSED! WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!