Deep Breath, Scream, Deep Breath…..
ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K, so someone should have mentioned that trying to get a babe to the breast when mama has PPD is no small feat! Whooooo boy… my emotions have been ALL over the place here lately and I am frustrated!
After my last post, things went downhill – she started flat out refusing the breast. AND refusing to be held as well. She was happier laying down in her crib by herself than being held by me. ESPECIALLY if the boppy was in view. Oh my goodness… phew.. what a weekend that was!
So I backed off a bit and went back to square one after our breastfeeding support group on the 18th. Square one consisted of just getting her comfortable with being held in the cradle position with my shirt on. Once she was comfy with that (which took all of two days), we moved onto the cradle hold with no shirt. And this past monday, she actually found my nipple all by herself and licked at it and showed interest. However, NO further interest this week at all yet. UGH!
And we got a bit of bad news last week – there’s a possibility that she is tongue-tied on top of the cleft palate & Pierre Robin bit. SO there’s that to overcome now as well. I have to admit that I was feeling a bit defeated on the 19th when her cranio-facial doc delivered this news. I went to a La Leche league meeting that evening and the leader there successfully breastfed her two tongue tied daughters so I’m feeling a bit empowered by that even though we haven’t had a lot of success this week at all. I am coming to the realization that direct breastfeeding may never happen. But if it doesn’t, at least I know that I am committed to giving it my all and I can never regret that I didn’t try. I can also rest easy knowing that Charlotte has been given a very loving nutritionally superior start to life and that it’s what she needed to help her through her surgeries. Holding her as she’s tube fed and looking into her eyes is reward enough. I have a picture of our first daughter breastfeeding directly from the breast and I had hoped to have the same picture with our second child. But I feel that it will be a different kind of picture but at least she will be getting “breastfed” even if it’s not directly from the breast. It’s very very hard for me to write this post and please understand that I am by no means giving up. I am trying to keep my hopes from getting too high – i need to realize that this is going to be a marathon and not a sprint and that we may not finish the way I had hoped. But we’re certainly giving it our all and in the end, it’s the journey that matters, not the destination!
