Oh the emotions…
Charlotte latched for the last time about two weeks or so ago. She did so peacefully and it didn’t last long. Right before she “popped” off, she looked up at me as if to say “It’s ok, we gave it our best.” And I felt sad and happy at the same time. Sad because the relationship I dreamed about just never materialized. Happy because she gave me such a wonderful gift by letting me know it was ok.
I’m still struggling whenever I go to buy formula for her. We have WIC and wow, what a fight with them to get the right formula for her. (They switched to a brand that she just cannot tolerate – can anyone say projectile?) So when I go to buy formula I am just bracing for someone to say “Don’t you know breastmilk is best?” and I can honestly say that I have no idea what I will say or do at this point. I don’t know if I possess the will to be nice to this person. I’d like to think that I do – really and truly. But until it happens, I just don’t know what I will do or say. And it may never happen – but I have heard several horror stories both in real life and on the message boards I participate in about women being approached and haggled b/c they’re purchasing formula for their infants. I do know one thing though – that person will most certainly be directed to Charlotte’s blogs so they’ll understand just who they made that comment to and about.
It certainly has not been an easy road with Charlotte. But there is one positive to all of this… Charlotte and I are closer than ever now. She even gave me a kiss the other day (and has yet to kiss anyone else!) We love to cuddle, play, and grow our wonderful mother/daughter relationship. I’m also happier than I have been since her birth. I know I made the right decision. Now I just worry about defending that decision to a complete stranger. Although ya know what – I really shouldn’t have to worry about that. I KNOW I did the right thing. And once they read her blogs, they’ll know too.
